Unlocking Freedom

When the universe wants to send you a message, it will. It doesn’t matter if it’s through a random encounter, a fleeting moment, or a full-on experience—it’ll find a way to get your attention. My personal favorite is when I meet someone I’m only meant to talk to for five minutes, but they leave a permanent imprint on my heart. That’s exactly what happened to me recently while I was working as a flight attendant.

An elderly lady complimented my hair, and what should have been a quick exchange turned into one of the most reflective moments of my life. Typically, when passengers compliment me, I thank them, smile, and continue my duties. But something about her energy felt warm and welcoming, so I lingered for a bit longer than usual.

“How old are you, if you don’t mind me asking?” she said, her voice kind and curious.

“Twenty-eight,” I replied, thinking nothing of it. Passengers often ask this when they’re curious about becoming a flight attendant or know someone who’s interested.

She followed up with another question: “Are you in a relationship or do you have children?”

“No, ma’am. Neither,” I answered with a polite smile.

Her body shifted toward me as she leaned forward, fully present in the moment. “Good for you,” she said firmly. “Don’t you let anyone box you in. Follow your spirit, not your flesh. Following my flesh kept me in an abusive marriage, and ignoring my spirit allowed him to put me in a box I could barely breathe in.”

I stood there, stunned. Don’t let anyone put you in a box. Her words hit me like she’d been eavesdropping on my inner struggles. Did she know about the endless battle I have with myself?

“Who made you feel like you needed to be in a box?” she asked, cutting straight to the core.

A nervous chuckle escaped as I glanced at my trembling hands. “Me,” I admitted. “I put myself in a box. Sure, I’ve dated guys who tried to make me someone I’m not, but most of the time, I do it to myself. My mom and friends are always reminding me to let my hair down, but I usually feel guilty anytime I’m not being the responsible one.”

She reached out, placing her hand over mine. Her eyes softened as she spoke words I’ll carry forever: “I was meant to give you this message. We grow up in a system that doesn’t fit us, and your task is to break free. Remember when you were a kid, trying things over and over without worrying about failure or what came next? Get back to that childlike curiosity. Are you ready to walk this next chapter alone?”

That small interaction, though fleeting, sparked something massive in me. She didn’t know it, but she peeled back a layer of my life that I hadn’t been able to face. I have freedom—a job that lets me travel, no kids, no mortgage, no man tying me down. But even with all that, I’ve always struggled to fully embrace it.

If I trace it back, I think it started when I became an older sister. From that moment on, I felt this self-imposed duty to be the responsible one, to never mess up, to always set a good example. Over time, that tightrope walk between independence and responsibility turned into a self-made prison. Without realizing it, I created a life I didn’t fully enjoy because following the “rules” felt like the right thing to do.

But lately, I’ve been questioning why everyone else sees me as this free spirit, yet I can’t seem to feel it myself. Friends and family often tell me, “You have a job that lets you travel! You’re in your late twenties with no kids! Let your hair down and live your life!” Yet, when a stranger said it, her words rang clear. They’ve stayed with me ever since.

That conversation sparked a game I’ve been playing with myself: unlocking levels of freedom. The first level? Using my voice. I started writing for my blog and expressing myself in ways I never had before. The next level? My dating life. Everything has shifted now that I’ve decided to date on my terms—showing up as my authentic self and refusing to do anything just for approval. The idea that women have to follow a specific dating “script” is just another societal box designed to keep us trapped. Since breaking free from that mindset, dating has actually become fun.

I’m still unlearning the rules society handed me, figuring out my own way. If you’re reading this and feel like you’re in your own way, I get it. It’s exhausting battling between what you’ve been taught and what you know deep down doesn’t fit. What’s helped me is treating each breakthrough like a new level unlocked. Right now, I’m basking in the freedom of dating authentically—and it feels so damn good.

Remember, you hold the key to your own freedom. Unlocking it takes time, but I can honestly say that every step forward is worth it.

Danaya